What's just as intimate as sex?

I really like this essay in Forbes called "The Intimacy of Money."


When I lead workshops on personal philanthropy - helping individuals and groups give away their money in ways that reflect their passions and interests - I always like to start with an "OK, let's talk about money" session. People REALLY don't like talking about money. And I find that the more money people have, the less they like to talk about it.

Why is this subject so taboo in our (American) culture? Is it because we use it to assess people's value, or importance? Is it because we were raised to not talk about it, so we continue that tradition? Is it because we feel uncomfortable if we have less "stuff" (money, material goods, etc.) than others in our social circle, and we feel even more uncomfortable if we have more "stuff" than others? Is it because we have anxiety or fear about not having enough money, and if we talk about it openly, we will be showing our weakness? Are we embarrassed about having more than we think we deserve?

In this Forbes essay, the author starts by saying:

Money is like sex: Americans are taught it should be private, discussed only in hushed tones, 

behind closed doors.

And, yet, our society seems more and more willing to bring our sex lives out into the open, whether that's in TV and movies, magazines, or just cocktail party chit-chat. Are we willing to discuss money - what we have, what we need, where we give it away (both willingly and unwillingly) - just as openly?

We all have to spend money on things we don't like, and on some level we may always feel that we don't have enough money. Some of us truly are living paycheck to paycheck due to circumstances beyond our control, and others are sweating every last dime due to circumstances entirely within our control. "Disposable income" is a tricky thing - one person's disposable is another person's essential. That said... most of us have the privilege of making at least some decisions about where our money should go and how it should be spent. If you've bought a $4 cup of coffee any time recently, you've got a choice.

For those of us who are able to make those choices, until we come to terms with our relationship to money it will always feel like the Big Bad Wolf, ready to strike and wreak havoc at any moment. It will remain a mysterious force for us to fear, rather than a resource or tool that we can use, and about which we can make choices. Including philanthropic choices.

So what does it mean to come to terms with our relationship with money? I think it starts by asking some questions, such as:

• How do I feel when someone says "we need to talk about money"? What goes through my mind? Does my body react?
• What messages did I get about money from my family?
• Which of my life choices have been driven by money? Which have not?
• How do I feel when I know I have more money than a friend? When I know I have less?
• How do I spend money to make myself feel better?
• When does spending money make me feel worse?
• How do I really feel about giving money to help a cause or another person?

I've had my own struggles with these questions, and I'm still coming to terms with some of them. What are some of your answers to these questions?

Philanthropy for happy and healthy hearts

In honor of Valentines Day, I've decided to share with you some causes that keep our hearts healthy and happy. Maybe making a donation to one of these charities would be a great way to celebrate V-Day in a meaningful and generous way!

• The American Heart Association
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• Go Red For Women
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• American Stroke Association
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• Partnership for a Healthier America (a partner of First Lady Michelle Obama's Let's Move! initiative)
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• Girls on the Run
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• Kaboom! (helping communities build playgrounds)

Do you have any heart health and/or fitness related charities to add to the list?

Year-End Giving Tips

If your mailbox looks anything like mine these days, bursting with envelopes (and emails) from dozens of charitable organizations, you know that this is the time of year many nonprofits depend upon for year-end donations. While we may bemoan the onslaught of solicitations, they are a means to an important end – without year-end giving, many nonprofits would not be able to feed the hungry, care for the aged, delight our senses through the arts, educate our children, defend our rights, or carry out other work that enriches and inspires us.

Choosing which causes or organizations to support, or even choosing whether or not to give at all, can feel overwhelming. Here are a few tips and questions that can guide your thinking about year-end giving:

1.     What brought you the most joy this year?

2.     Can you choose 2-3 priority areas for your giving this year (e.g. hunger and homelessness, visual arts, helping the elderly)? That does not mean that you cannot give to other things, as well. It just means that you can give most of your donations to these priority causes, and give smaller amounts to other causes.

3.     What charities did you donate to last year? Did you get updates from those charities this year? Are they still doing good work?

4.     How do you define your “community”? Is it geographic? Religious? Based on personal interests or passions? Based on people in your networks? All of the above? Can you align your giving to support your community/communities, however you define them?

5.     Are their clothes or household items you can donate this year?

6.     What did you spend on buying coffee this year? (Or ice cream? Or pizza? Or sandwiches?) Once you come up with a rough estimate of that amount, compare it to the amount you plan to donate to worthy causes this year.

7.     Did you need help this year? Did any nonprofits provide you (or your friends or family) with assistance?

8.     What sorts of causes do you want to give to? Basic needs (like food and shelter), social services (like job training or mental health counseling), the arts, the environment, education... Do you want to focus on one area or spread your donations among various causes?

9.     Does your family have a tradition of giving to certain causes? Do you want to start a tradition?

10. Is there someone’s memory whom you would like to honor with your charitable giving? How can you best honor them?

11. Do you want to pool your donations with friends or family to make a bigger impact?

12. Do you volunteer somewhere? Would you consider making a donation to the place where you volunteer?

13. Were there stories in the news this year that really touched you? Or concerned you? Or inspired you? Are there charitable causes that are aligned with those stories?

14. Are their services you use frequently, such as public broadcasting, that rely on donations to keep doing what they are doing?

15. Was there a play, a concert, an exhibition, or another cultural experience that lifted your spirits or made you think this year? Would you consider supporting the organization or venue that made it happen?

16. If you have children or grandchildren, can you support an organization that supported their growth, so that other children can learn and grow, too?

17. Why give?

Of course, there are no right or wrong answers to these questions – they are simply guidelines to inform your thinking, either now or year-round. No matter what choices you make, the choice to give is always a good one, no matter how much (or little) you are able to give. I hope your giving choices bring joy to you and to others.

How Does America Give?

There's been lots of attention in the philanthropy press recently about the Chronicle of Philanthropy's newly released study, How America Gives. It breaks down giving by state, city, religious and demographic group, etc.

I finally made the time to sit down today and read the Chronicle's report on its study (which was compiled using IRS and Bureau of Labor Statistics data from 2008, the most recent available year), and here are a few of the highlights that jumped out at me:

• The top 5 most generous cities in America are Mormon strongholds or Bible-belt cities. In order, they are: Salt Lake City, Memphis, Birmingham, Nashville, and Atlanta. This confirms what we have known for a while - more religious people tend to give more. However...
• When religious giving (giving to places of worship and religious causes) is not counted, the nationwide rankings change. "Some states in the Northeast would jump into the top 10 when secular gifts alone are counted. New York would vault from No. 18 to No. 2 in the rankings, and Pennsylvania would climb from No. 40 to No. 4."
• Generally, the rich are not the most generous. Lower-income people tend to give a larger share of their discretionary income to charities. Those who make $50,000 - $75,000 give an average of 7.6%, while those who make more than $100,000 give an average of 4.2%.
• Wealthy people who live in mixed income neighborhoods are more generous than wealthy people who live in wealthy zip codes. Fascinating! Put another way, the nation's most generous zip codes are not the wealthiest zip codes. Of the 1,000 zip codes whose residents give the biggest share of income to charity, only nine are among the nation's wealthiest 1,000 zip codes. So stop searching for donors only in the wealthy neighborhoods!
• State tax credits and other incentives for charitable giving do increase giving.
• Some nonprofits are focusing on courting donors overseas, where the impact of the recession is not being felt as strongly. Boston University, for example, has fundraisers traveling internationally, and approximately 20% of its early donations to a major capital campaign have come from overseas. Fundraisers are focusing on countries where new business growth is surging, such as the BRICS nations (Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa) and the Middle East.
• (because I live in the Washington, DC metropolitan area) Prince George's County, MD, the wealthiest county in America with an African-American majority, has a higher share of donors than any other community in the Washington region. However, the total nonprofit revenue there is the lowest in the metropolitan region, in part because (1) there is a very strong tradition to church tithing, which means that some nonprofits don't get as big a piece of the pie, and (2) wealth in surrounding areas far exceeds that of PG County.

One of my biggest take-aways from this study is that organizations should start looking for generous people, not just wealthy people. Don't just look for donors in the richest neighborhoods, and don't focus on your current wealthy donors to the exclusion of less wealthy donors or prospects. Diversifying your donor pool will create more of a "hedge" to get you through the tough/lean times.

Lots more details (including how the Chronicle of Philanthropy compiled its data) can be found online at How America Gives.